I fell in love with was a facade every mask he had worn had dissipated leaving no trace of it in its wake.
I need you to be me in my thoughts for me to be to think rationally. My sub consciousness drank you like you were medicine in order for me to function normally.
The love with depth the pottery of love that sang a world less lullaby at their unspoken words.
you slammed into my world not a passing second has gone by that I don't think about you.
Nneoma's POV
The tension between me, Wale and Chioma was so thick a knife could not cut through it. The last time I felt like this was when I was in a space with Diadem & his then girlfriend. I felt like the outsider then but I didn't feel like that now. I wanted in on the secret she knew about Wale and didn't want to say by herself.
Each time she looked at Wale through the rear mirror I could feel him tense up. I suddenly hated myself for inviting this chaos. Her level of bitch was off the charts, to do this before someone you claim to love birthday? Uh uh it was low. It at all birthdays are sacred they're the one day you truly get to love on people intentionally, go all out for them. There are the days where you make your mark in their hearts.
Apparently some rules didn't apply to Chioma. I could see racking her eyes with a silent smirk translating into see? I would tell if you can't don't dare push me? Well we would see about that.
I suddenly remembered I came with my kindle reader. I silently opened the book the title was Twisted Games by Ana Huang. I legit wrote down some parts to recreate with my man who is now Wale. I have re-read the book countless times it never failed to send a jolt through my spine.
Another thought stopped me in my tracks: what if Wale proposed? I mean it's six months already? I would say yes. I loved Wale deeply, but I don't know what it was about Diadem I liked.
My friends had asked me countless times. The accessed his picture and asked "I know the guy is fine but what makes him so special that you can't move on? Hope you're aware that Diadem doesn't give a flying f*** about you? He didn't care about you before he doesn't now. He told you he had loved you but he said he doesn't love you again. He looked you in the eye said all sort of things and yet you still love him? Why and how?"
My girls were not having it. I could make decisions on my own but they didn't trust me when it came to Diadem. I would rehearse a speech to say when I saw him and ended spewing nonsense. It was clear as day that the Diadem I fell in love with was a facade every mask he had worn had dissipated leaving no trace of it in its wake, not even footprints. Some - how I clung unto that version of him. Maybe that's the part of him I want to remember, I thought.
Yagi never failed to replay how he blocked me and choose another girl over and over again. She said it laughing so I could remember the pain. I had imagined him saying his vows to someone else, having kids with someone else, dancing with someone else. My throat constricted at the thought each time I thought about it him going down on one knee and giving his best speech, saying and doing things he would never do to me in another life time.
My friends said they were embarrassed that I kept choosing someone who didn't care if I died. I couldn't argue it was true. Part of me died with him. I knew I was going to wait forever if I was waiting on Diadem.
I was part of those teens when watching filipinos movie I would say "he doesn't love you why are you forcing yourself?" But guess who found herself in the situation? Me. I laughed at myself. I was pathetic.
I would never admit this to Diadem I was obsessed but not in the way that I would keep tugging a rope that held two of us together. I was obsessed with a good and healthy version of us. Yagi sometimes asked me if I had imagined us having sex
I had done that a lot of times, the way his body would feel.
I needed to stop thinking about him. Diadem is confused and I won't be dragged into that. So selfish, only doing things on his own accord.
The car came to a halt. All of our parents, Chioma and Imoh were escorted up. I could hear my siblings screaming.
Wale looked to me, worry married his features. "Are you okay babe?" He asked, kissing me. He took my hands and said "You know what let's do some sightseeing
we need a bit of sanity."
Oooh I wanted to ask him about Chioma, but I didn't want to spoil the moment. If he was going to tell me after I had to show him I trusted him. I took his hands we went to random beach.
Luckily it didn't have a lot of people, it seemed abandoned but Wale said it was always like this. He checked their map app. I loved how advanced the country was.
We walked in silence. Tension was brewing as deep as the sea, swirling, begging the depth of the sea to let it come to the edge.
Wale stopped, faced me. He kissed me once, then said in between kisses:
"Nneoma I want you to know whatever happens I love you. Since I met you on IG you slammed into my world not a passing second has gone by that I don't think about you. I have been asked what is my morning routine the answer was simple: you. I need you to be me in my thoughts for me to be to think rationally. My sub consciousness drank you like you were medicine in order for me to function normally.
Even when you were not with me physically you lived rent free in my head your smile, your kindness, the way you made me feel. I have seen girls bow at money, but you never did. Money was good but the content of a person mattered more to you. Each time I thought I saw a beautiful part of you, you outdid yourself again.
Nneoma you make me weak on my knees. You're beautiful freshly fucked, you're beautiful when you're sleeping, you're beautiful when you ugly cry. I may not know what would happen from here on out but never think my love for you was a sham because it was not and has never been."
I was a crying mess. I said it again: "I love you Wale. I fear your love for me doesn't hold a candle to how I love you, but I love you so much. I had sworn off men after Diadem the pain was too much to revisit that part of myself. I barely let myself keep up with a conversation with a man talk more of dating but you Wale shook my world off it's axis.
I thought I had witnessed love with Diadem I guess I was reintroduced to what love was and is with you. The memory of Diadem seems distant..." I hesitated. "I won't lie that I no longer loved Diadem but each day it seemed like a distant memory I wanted to tuck in a safe box."
I took his hands and placed on my beating heart. "I love you. I did not say those words easily after Diadem but for you I have and would continue to say it."
Wale's eyes looked teary. I said "Wale never forget that I love you that won't change no matter what happened."
We played a lot, sent silent words to each other, just spent the day laughing till we headed home. No matter the tension that stood as tall as the resort gates I was sure that me and Wale not only knew of our love but we had faith in each others love. Some days it was fifty percent other days it was one hundred but it wasn't going anywhere.
A small smile played on my lips.
Barbie as narrator...
I shook off the cold as I read this chapter. For some reason I can't find the words but I love how reassuring Wale is to her and she is to him. The faith in their relationship, the love with depth the pottery of love that sang a world less lullaby at their unspoken words. Phew! Subtle, intense. I need Nneoma to recreate one those scenes.