My throat tightened. If I died today, would Diadem miss me.
Get your tissues…
My heart will go on - iconic music- for chuwkudera
Chuwkudera's POV
The water glistened with a never-ending shimmer. Chuwkudera's voice passed over, a little too silent, low but audible. His shoulders curved inward, fingers drumming against the dock once, twice, then stopping.
I gave him a gentle squeeze, saying, "Thank you for telling me. I know we're not besties, but since you're Wale's best guy, you're my brother. I want you to know that you're not alone."
I gave him a nudge to continue.
"We were so happy when we found out we were pregnant," he began, his voice catching. "I can still recall how Isabella waltzed around the room that day. It was perfect timing we were ready to be parents after a year of marriage. I cooked every day for her. That's when I really learned how to cook. She didn't have to lift a finger. I learned it from my dad: treat your wife like a queen."
His eyes grew distant as he continued. "Isabella was a mix of Igbo and Canadian. Her mum was from Canada, her dad was from Imo state. She was flawless. Her beauty was captivating you couldn't look away once you saw her oval face, perfectly sculpted jaw. Her iris were slightly ash-colored if you looked closely. She made me weak in the knees every time. Every part of her body was a mystery, intricately crafted for me."
A fond smile crossed his face. "She came to all my basketball matches. She always sat in front with a big placard. One time, she had my face custom-made into a teddy bear costume. She wore it like you would wear a Barney costume. I was stunned
she appeared like that for most of my basketball matches. Her and Wale always sided with each other."
The smile faded as his voice grew heavy. "I recall the day of her birth. Wale was by my side he didn't leave. I was shaking so bad. My parents were on the flight to support me. We had gone for antenatal visits several times before the birth. Everything was fine until that labor night."
This time, Chuwkudera broke down completely. I couldn't control my tears either.
"We were pregnant with twins," he whispered through his sobs. "When the gynecologist stepped out to ask me on that day... who should we save? My hands were shaking. I knew Isabella would want me to save the twins, but my wife came first. We could still reproduce. I said Isabella."
"The gynecologist said okay. I noticed he was tense. I didn't ask how they were doing. It was my first time being in the labor room. No matter what my dad said, it was different. I was going to be a father for the first time."
His voice cracked. "When the gynecologist went inside, it was silent for a bit. Before they hit the emergency button, everywhere was flooded with nurses. I called unto God, crying and begging to keep my wife safe. I called my dad, weeping as a child would weep."
"One of the gynecologists stepped out again, saying she had antepartum hemorrhage heavy bleeding before birth. Placental abruption. The hospital was the best in New York, for Christ's sake. The twins had something called Twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome. In identical twins sharing a placenta, blood flow imbalance can cause one twin to die."
His voice became clinical, detached. "Maternal mortality with intrauterine demise of twin A, twin B delivered alive."
"Twin B was delivered alive. Isabella she looked just like her mum. Wale held onto her while I rushed into the labor room. I wailed while they were trying to bring her back. Her eyes had lost their liveliness. She stared straight at the ceiling. I wailed. I told her to remember our promise to each other that she would never let go. Even the favorite names she liked, she wasn't responding to them. I kissed her on all the spots she liked. She wasn't responding."
"I couldn't believe it. I ordered everyone to get out. I stayed in that room for two days. My dad begged me to let go. He said, 'She's still alive in your memories. She's still alive in your heart.' I wailed not cried, wailed."
"It's been two years. Not one day have I stopped mourning her. A part of me died with her. I couldn't function properly. After the few months the coach gave me to mourn
the team was understanding I came back and played rubbish. I had to step down from being team captain and allow Wale to take the position. I wasn't fit for the role."
"I still feel her presence. I still visit her grave every month, bring her favorite flowers roses. I named our son Austin. That was the name she wanted to give him when we found out the gender. I customized a basketball just for him."
"I still see her sitting on the bleachers cheering me on. On days when I cry so much for her, I still feel her presence hugging me. Sometimes I feel like she's sad that I haven't moved on. Every time I had a bad date, I felt her nod her head. Who could I compare to her?"
His voice grew reverent. "She was stunning. She was kind. She loved God. She served in church. She was an aeronautical engineer. She was so good at math. I met her at Wale's dad's company summit. We were together for two years before we tied the knot."
"Isabella Urienna was the most stunning female I had ever met. She had me in a chokehold from the first day her beauty was ethereal, enticing. My teammates would always say I married a beauty queen. They teased me a lot. I didn't care. I could stare at her for hours. She made me a better man. I learned to fly a plane from Wale's dad just to impress her."
"She raised the bar so high no one could touch it easily, unless I let them. Every time I go on dates, I see her while the other girl is talking. But I thought to myself, this wasn't fair not being over someone and sitting with another."
"There has been a void in my heart since she died. Nothing has been able to fill it. I visit my daughter at my parents' house in Switzerland. She just turned three. We do vacations anytime she's on break. She reminds me so much of her mom. After her mom died, it was hard for me to look at her. Everyone begged me to give her a chance."
"My mum and sister had to take care of her. I was clueless. I had to do thousands of research. One of the nurses there taught me how to hold her, feed her, bathe her, how to decipher when she wanted to sleep. I had to employ her as the nanny and pay her five times what they paid her at the hospital. I had tons of money to spare the best had to be for my daughter. If a mosquito hurt her, I would squash it in a minute. She's the most active three-year-old."
"That's what I was telling Wale that she sent him a gift. The gold watch I gave him earlier. You know, when Wale first met you, she got you a gift and said Wale should give it to you when he got married. That's how thoughtful she was."
"It was hard to reset my world without her. She was my heart. I stopped breathing on my own accord since she died. I pray no one experiences the death of a partner. You could never recover from it you just learn how to cope through it. My therapist told me to keep her alive in my memories."
"There is no day I have not waited for her to pass through her house door. Me and Wale had to move to the Upper East Side, two blocks away from the old area. Her room is cleaned and untouched. I am not ready to let go."
"My world had lost its light, which was her. Since she died, nothing brought back that excitement for me anymore. All girls cared about was money. I had tons of it, with more than enough to do whatever I want, yet I couldn't bring back the one and only woman I had ever wanted with my whole being my northern pole."
"Pain doesn't fade you learn to carry it better. Grieving doesn't erase pain; they can coexist. I go on day after day hoping she'll come back, but she can't and she won't. I am not a fetish guy that would invoke her spirit, but I love her so much I would do anything to hear her voice one last time, to experience her crackly laughter that kept me entranced and made time become non-existent."
"Hours can't go by and I haven't heard from her. How did I go from spending all my time with the woman I love to carrying her always in my heart? We don't talk about grieving enough."
411- perfectly describes nneoma's reflection
Nneoma's pov - Reflection
"Yes," I said. "We don't."
My throat tightened. If I died today, would Diadem miss me? What would be his favorite memory of me? Would he cry thinking about me? The questions sat heavy in my chest.
Diadem wasn't my ideal man he was the guy I became too comfortable around. Every day for a year, we spoke until he found someone new. When he said he was going to get a girlfriend soon, time stood still. Something sharp twisted behind my ribs.
The nightmares started then recurrent while we weren't speaking. Always being stabbed. I never saw the faces, but I could feel the knife dig into my neck. My feet scraping the tiles as I ran. I still remembered it all.
I wanted to tell him I was so scared something might happen to me. That it wouldn't make a difference to him if it did. I wanted to reconcile so if anything happened to me, he wouldn't spend his lifetime beating himself up. I wanted to tell him I was praying so hard I kept falling sick. I couldn't understand my life then.
I wanted to tell him I could sniff the hatred these people had for me. I was met with emptiness. I was surprised I loved Wale after him.
Whenever I tried talking to someone new, the words he said to me kept stopping me from moving forward. I struggled to be with anyone. I convinced myself that I was the problem and no one would fall for me. What if they saw I wasn't perfect and ran away? What if I overreacted? What if I kept them on a tight leash and they said I was high maintenance? What if I acted too forward?
I was already tensing up when Chuwkudera hesitantly held my shoulders. He gently tilted me to face him.
"Love is not a job interview," he said softly. "Love is not a bar for excellence. Love is not a competition you have to keep winning. Love isn't fight or flight. Love isn't trying to prove your worth to Diadem, who considers you worthless."
"In my opinion, he loves you but couldn't handle you. He was dealing with a mix of fear, ego, frustration. He didn't know how to communicate it to you. He didn't want to show he cared for some reason, but Diadem loves you. At least he does now. His fear of losing you totally has outweighed his pride. That's why he is coming clean now."
"He didn't know if he was going to be met with rejection by you. Rejection could break you as a guy, so I understand. Diadem cares deeply about you if not, he wouldn't be fighting for you up till now. But him fighting doesn't mean he has changed. I learned from my wife: saying sorry without changing is just the same as not changing."
"It's just like you said you went back to basics but didn't learn the basics. Then you would have deceived him, and he won't like it. Love is not a marathon; it's a sprint. Take your time to love yourself, then Wale. If you fell for Wale, it was because you genuinely loved him. Diadem could go find someone who would compete for his love while you stay locked in with Wale."
Barbie as Narrator
Sobs.
Oh my God, I am a crying mess. This is downright horrific, I say between sobs. This chapter is gruesome. Who was planning to kill Nneoma? And why? These nightmares have been consistent with her is there something she's missing?
Oh my God, I hope this isn't becoming horror. I can't imagine how Chuwkudera is coping. I want to hug him and his daughter. That kind of loss isn't one someone gets over. Diadem is still alive and breathing, and Nneoma isn't over him yet.
Sigh. I need a moment to grieve for Chuwkudera's wife and son.
I feel so sad. Bye...